


The Monster's Coming Out

by axton_writes



Series: 9-1-1 Drabbles [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bath, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Freeform, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, eddie in afghanistan, married, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axton_writes/pseuds/axton_writes
Summary: Eddie has a flashback. Buck helps.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: 9-1-1 Drabbles [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689991
Comments: 6
Kudos: 166





	The Monster's Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> Title based off a quote from Owen Strand (Rob Lowe) in 911 Lone Star: "They call it PTSD, but they should call it PTSI because that's what it is. It's not a disorder. You've been injured. The monster's coming out, either way, Judd, believe me."

He always ended up here: 

Hot, arid, dry, and sandy as all hell, the sun beating down on his back in the middle of a field in Afghanistan, the weight of one of his men leaning against him as he ran across the field with him, the feeling of warm blood soaking into his side and sweat dripping down his face. The sound of their labored breaths, one man breathing harder than the other, mixing with gunfire that was whizzing past his helmet, too close for comfort, as Eddie dropped Bryan onto the ground, propping him against a rock, and finally pulling back to assess his wounds. One shot is all it took, the dark circle now surrounded by blood as it continued to bleed, and Eddie grabbed gauze from his med kit, pressing it down hard on his chest. 

“You’re gonna make it, West. Just gotta hold on a little bit longer.” 

Another bullet whistled past his head, hitting the rock next to him. Eddie goes to pull Bryan back up, but he stops him, patting him on the shoulder as his eyes drooped. 

“You gotta leave me, Diaz. Save yourself.” 

Eddie looked down to him before checking behind him, and he shook his head before turning back to Bryan. 

“I’m gonna get you out of here.” 

Bryan had closed his eyes, and his head swung to the side. Eddie grabbed his shoulder, trying to shake him awake. 

“West! We have to go.” 

Another soldier dropped to the ground next to Eddie, grabbing him by the back of his uniform and dragging him up and away from Bryan, his hands covered in the other man’s blood. 

“Diaz, get the fuck up! We gotta find cover!” 

Eddie jumped out of his stupor and took off in a sprint with the soldier next to him. Their target: a group of abandoned buildings ahead, where an officer had established base. They were to evacuate immediately, ambush imminent. 

He could feel his lungs burning with the effort, but he was close. Four hundred more meters, they could make it. 

Three hundred. 

Two hundred. 

A whistle and the crash connection. 

Where an old doorframe used to stand, and where his commanding officer stood, explodes, throwing Eddie and the other soldier backwards with the impact. 

Before his back could hit the ground, he shoots up in bed and screams. 

Buck shoots up from sleep and hesitates for a moment before grabbing Eddie and pulling him into his chest. 

“Hey, shh, shh. Just a dream, it was just a dream.” 

Eddie goes from rock solid to a sobbing mess in a few seconds, Buck running one hand through his hair and using his other to rub at his back, gently rocking them back and forth for a minute, thanking God they dropped off Christopher at Abuela’s for the next two nights. Eddie hiccups, reaching to wrap his arms around Buck and grip the back of his shirt, hot tears staining his shirt. 

“You’re in Los Angeles, not Afghanistan. Our son is with his Abuela and is safe. I’m still alive, and you are too.” 

Buck repeated himself three times, making sure Eddie was calming down before leaning down to press a kiss to his hair. 

“Where are you, love?” 

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and pulled away a little to wipe his eyes before sitting up a little straighter and taking a deep breath. 

“I’m in Los Angeles.” 

Buck followed Eddie up, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

“Good. Do you know where our son is?” 

Eddie took another deep breath. 

“Our son is with his Abuela. He is safe.” 

Buck pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“Okay. Do you know why I’m here?” 

Eddie took one last deep breath and opened his eyes. 

“You’re still alive.” Buck nodded and nudged his nose with his own, and Eddie took a breath in, tasting Buck’s own breath on his tongue. “I’m still alive.” With the last words spoken, Eddie leaned down to catch Buck’s lips in a soft kiss, and when their lips connected, Eddie felt the last of the stress leave him, mind going blank momentarily. He pulled away just as Buck licked his lower lip, pressing his forehead to Buck’s. “You’re my rock.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Eddie shook his head before pulling away, a hand moving to the back of his neck. 

“Not really.” 

Buck reached over Eddie to turn on their bedside lamp, casting a haunting glow into the room. Their alarm clock read 2:33 a.m., which was the normal time Eddie would have woken up from a nightmare. Buck pulled the covers off of him and stood up, stretching a little before making his way to their bathroom. Eddie sat up and turned to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands raking through his hair. 

Normally, they would talk and go back to sleep, but even though Eddie was calmer than he was before, flashes of his dream still came and went, and every thought had him tugging on his hair and looking around the room for immediate danger. 

Eddie didn’t notice Buck turning on the tap, nor did he notice a cup of water and two pills being handed to him. He swallowed his medication and handed Buck the cup, his hands going to his hair again. 

Buck didn’t say a word to him, only turned and went back to the bathroom, turning on the faucet to the bathtub to begin running a warm bath for Eddie. 

They normally wouldn’t shower at the early hours of the morning, especially before a shift, but this was one of the ways Buck knew how to take care of him, and it was personal experience that brought him to the conclusion that a bath would help Eddie calm down and ‘clean’ him of what happened in his nightmare. 

Eddie, strung over his thoughts, didn’t hear Buck’s light humming, or the sound of running water. 

Buck was in front of him soon enough, stark naked in the pale light. He grabbed Eddie’s hand from his hair, and gently tugged his wrist, getting him to get up and follow him to the bathroom. 

Buck undressed him, making sure to keep his touches light and gentle, and once Eddie was naked, he got into the tub first, guiding Eddie to sit between his legs, the warm water shrouding him in a new sense that made his mind go numb for just a moment. 

They sat in the water, both not saying a word to each other, and letting Eddie work through his nightmare. 

Buck picked up a washcloth from the side of the tub, getting it wet and wringing it out, adding just a little soap, and he began to rub the cloth up and down Eddie’s back, washing him so gently. He ran a calloused hand up Eddie’s arm, letting his fingers drag over his skin, and Eddie let out a shiver, his back straightening when Buck’s fingers got to his shoulder and rested on his collarbone. 

Buck rinsed him off with a little water, running his hand down from his shoulder to his lower back. He grabbed Eddie’s hips, moving him back towards him for a moment, getting a little more soap, and beginning to wash his chest with the same care and attention he used on his back. 

Eddie kept his gaze forward, eyes locked with a particular spot on the wall as Buck ran the cloth over his chest and his stomach, cleaning Eddie the best he could. His face remained neutral, his bloodshot eyes not giving away any emotion, and it always hurt Buck to see Eddie so stoic and cold. 

He rinsed his chest off and had Eddie scoot forward and lean his head back so Buck could wash his hair. Eddie closed his eyes as Buck gently dipped his head below the water, careful to not let his nose or mouth go under water. He pulled Eddie up and grabbed the shampoo, getting a generous amount in his hands before running his fingers through his hair, blunt fingernails soon massaging at his scalp, making Eddie let out a few sighs of relief. 

Buck made sure every part of Eddie’s head was thoroughly washed and massaged, then he dipped his head back down, running his fingers through his hair to rinse out the soap, and once he was upright again, he cupped his hands on Eddie’s forehead and pulled back, pressing down his hair and pressing the water out. He picked up just a little dab of conditioner and ran his hands over his head again, letting Eddie lean back into Buck’s chest for a moment. 

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his cheek, his thumbs running soothing circles into Eddie’s soft skin, and Eddie turned so his ear was pressed right over Buck’s heart, letting the gentle thumping ease his mind for a moment. 

Eddie soon sat back up, letting Buck rinse out the conditioner and pull the plug on the drain. 

Buck got out first, picking up a towel from the counter, and he held his hand out for Eddie to pull himself up, the towel going around him as soon as he was out. 

Buck lead them back to bed, pulling out boxers and shirts for them. He dressed Eddie first, getting Eddie situated under the covers and comfortable, and then he got dressed, soon joining Eddie in bed. He turned the light off, and laid on his back, waiting for Eddie to make the first move. 

Already taking the clue, Eddie shifted himself so his ear was pressed right over Buck’s heart again, letting the rhythmic thumping put him to sleep. 

“Ready to talk about it?” 

Eddie just nodded, moving his hand up to smooth out some of the wrinkles in Buck’s shirt. 

“It was the building, when West had died. Reyes got me, and we were heading back to the building. Hawkes was there, trying to tell us to hurry up. It doesn’t change, but every time I go back, I can’t help but try harder to save West. We lost so many men out there, Buck, why did I get to live?” 

Buck pressed a kiss to Eddie’s freshly-washed hair and he shrugged. 

“I don’t know, Eds.” 

Eddie took a deep breath, keeping his eyes trained on a wall in the darkness, alarm clock now flashing 3:42 a.m., and he closed his eyes. 

“We got a shift in less than four hours.” 

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie. 

“Don’t need to worry, I talked to cap. Walters and Viv are going to cover for us. You just need some rest, my love.” 

Eddie looked up to Buck for a moment and cracked a smile, making Buck’s tension finally melt away. 

“Best husband ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said before, most of the time when I write I have a song playing on repeat either stuck in my head or actually on repeat on Spotify. This one was written with Call Me by Shinedown stuck in my head. 
> 
> I may have a Tarlos in the lines soon, I've just been dealing with some personal issues lately, so please enjoy my projections with Buck and Eddie.


End file.
